Haley made a real mess in her diaper. It was a two person job. I asked my sister to help. After I bathed Haley, I handed her to my sister to diaper and dress her while I cleaned up the bathtub. I had already laid out the new diaper and clothes near the sink. A few minutes after handing her off, I heard Haley shrieking. I didn’t know what was wrong. As my sister tried to calm her down, I was quickly putting everything away in the diaper bag. My sister said “don’t forget the diaper cream”. I hadn’t taken any out. I didn’t know what she was talking about. I quickly looked at the cream my sister was handing me and read the label. It was toothpaste! No wonder Haley was screaming. She had a minty fresh butt!
You remember on the Carroll Burnett show when Tim Conway plays a dentist and stabs himself with the Novocain numbing needle?
I was holding Catherine as a baby before her shot and said “don’t worry. this won’t hurt a bit.” Dr. Eisman missed and shot himself in the thumb. I said to Catherine “see, I told you it wouldn’t hurt!”
Not kidding! True story. I was deadpan when I told her “see I told u it wouldn’t hurt”. He was shocked and said he couldn’t believe he missed her arm. I lost it and had the giggles the rest of the appointment.
Too bad Catherine was too small to remember but I know the Dr. remembers. It was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen! The man never smiles and this had him so puzzled, he just couldn’t understand how he missed. He missed her arm entirely. I lost it and still to this day giggle thinking about it!
Stomach flu when she was three.
Unfortunately, Haley has the stomach flu. She threw up 10 times last night and a loose stomach (she’s an overachiever). Turns out we need more sheets.
One time, She threw up into a cup she was drinking from into the cup and in my hand, and it was over a pail. I thought great!, I caught it, it didn’t land on the covers. Instead of dumping it out in the sink, I dumped it in the pail. Then looked at Eric and said “oops, that was dumb, still sleeping I guess” he sighed and cleaned out the pail again.
After the third time she threw up, we got out the Gravol.
…And since my princess is the worse patient ever, just getting the pill in her mouth took 30 minutes of screaming plus the threat of a suppository that Eric mentioned! A threat for her and us!
Of course as you’ve all lived through this experience, you know the Gravol inevitably gets thrown up the minute they swallow. This happened twice.
Next solution I can hear you all suggest. Liquid Gravol. I thought the same thing. I saw it in my medicine cabinet. turns out it was a trick because it was empty! Meanwhile she is still been crying and throwing up. (Catherine and Olivia used to just throw up in a pail, turn over and go back to sleep.)
Ok. This won’t get the better of us. I have a baby to protect. So I bite the bullet (suppository humor if you’ve seen the shape), and go get it. Now we have to convince her the opposite of what we had said before in that this solution is actually better than the yucky tasting medicine, and it will help her stop throwing up because it won’t come out her mouth, and it won’t taste bad.
She’s convinced. Since the second try of oral Gravol stayed down 10 minutes, and since the suppository was for adults, we decide cut it into thirds so we don’t overdose her (although the thought occurred to us to get the non stop crying and screaming that had been going on to end. Is it so wrong to want your child to have a nice deep sleep when they are ill? :). LOL
Now I get a stroke of brilliance. I get out the stick women use to insert a yeast infection pill (sorry guys!) since the pill is now super small since we cut it.
We greased it up with diaper cream, held her gently and sang songs while she shook from fright, and regaled her with the fond memories of our mother’s taking our temperature. The smell of
Vaseline still makes me nauseous, and for some reason I can still feel the thermometer!
Well, since she was screaming, I could get it in, but a second later, the tiny white pill popped (or should I say pooped?) out from the force of her stomach muscles contracting from crying.
Ok people. Enough is enough! She feels yucky and we all need our sleep. I grease up my finger, have her do some yoga breathing with me as I gently insert the pill for one last try. With my finger I am able to insert it so it won’t come out. And success! A hole in one! (Sports reference for the men forced to read this).
She fell asleep soon after feeling totally spent (and probably violated).
Eric was laughing his head off. Although he ended washing ( and wearing) 10 rounds of grapes, he thought I got the worst END of it (ha ha).
I love her sooo much, but now I can honestly say I KNOW her INSIDE and out.
She woke up today with 102 fever and a headache. She is drinking and eating popsicles and it is staying down.
Phew, glad the throwing up stopped. That part is BEHIND us now (pun intended).
BUTT wait! Turns out Olivia went off to school with a small tummy ache… Ah, the Ups and Downs of parenthood (pun intended again).
Take care! Wash your hands!