Pigs in a Blanket

How do the pigs tuck the blankets under their chinny chin chins? Their legs are too awkwardly shaped. Unless they loop some wool into their hooves first…

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Nah! Spare me he silliness. Everyone knows pigs prefer afghans!

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Mrs. Claus Likes Them Young

Why does she always look Older than Santa Claus in the pictures at the mall? He’s the one that should look all weather beaten from all his travelling? Although, the beard does save his face from the chilly winds.

I know! She should grow a beard to keep younger looking skin and protect it from the North Pole severe snow storms and the chill factor. 

Still, she must be older than him. He goes by a first name, a nickname even, (actually, a real nickname since his name is Nicholas) but we still refer to her as Mrs.

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The Turtle Made me do it

Just recently started watching Duck Dynasty. I want Uncle Si to live on my shelf. Built- in shelves for built-in amusement. It tickles me to watch that show. They actually raced snapping turtles to decide whether Willie should take a new job or not. 2 out of 3 races.

I think we should follow their lead and think up creative ways of having something happen that helps us choose a destination or maybe help us with a life choice. That way when people ask how you arrived at that decision, you can honestly say “the turtle made me do it!”

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Translate This!

My friend forgot her Twitter account info. She clicked on “reset password” and a link was sent to her email. The whole email was written in Spanish, a security precaution her son had set up. They are English and Chinese. Too funny!

Amazingly we were able to use the Spanish form and reset her credentials, in English UK this time. I guess we are so used to filling out these forms, we can do them in any language. Gracias Internet!

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Look Again

My niece asked what descriptive video meant. You know those commercials that appear on the TV.

My other niece replied: “duh, it’s for deaf people!”

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Lesson? Don’t talk about blind and/or deaf people with authority in your voice unless you are one or know one real well. Ridiculous!

Described Video describes the scene on the TV in more detail giving a more meaningful experience to the LISTENER! …Ideally

Straight as piss

We all had to pee in an empty pickle jar when I was young. We were on a long trip In a winter storm and my dad wanted to make “good time” (a guy thing, like not asking for directions).  All the girls agreed that the bottle neck was cold. Except my 75 year old grandmother. She could pee in a straight line standing up. Bulls eyed right into the pickle jar while in a moving vehicle! Talk about a hidden talent.

It skips a generation apparently. Haven’t seen such control until Hailey had to go number 1 in a park with no facilities. Instead of creating a seat with my arms, as moms are apt to do, my 5 year old said she doesn’t need such childish assistance. She stood and peed in a straight line down into the grass. Not a drop on her legs!

Straight as piss as they say in the Mel Brooks 1979 film Blazing Saddles.

Her grandmother would have been proud. I know I was. No penis envy for that kid.

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